20 Things That Can Only Happen In Movies

1. It is always possible to find a parking spot directly outside or opposite the building you are visiting.
2. When paying for a taxi, don’t look at your wallet as you take out a note. Just grab one out at random and hand it over. It will always be the exact fare.
3. Television news bulletins usually contain a story that affects you personally at the precise moment it’s aired.
4. Creepy music (or satanic chanting) coming from a graveyard should always be closely investigated.
5. Any lock can be picked with a credit card or paperclip in seconds. UNLESS it’s the door to a burning building with a child inside.
6. If you decide to start dancing in the street, everyone you bump into will know all the steps.
7. All bombs are fitted with electronic timing devices with large red digital displays so you know exactly when they are going to explode.
8. Should you wish to pass yourself off as a German officer, it will not be necessary to learn to speak German. Simply speaking English with a German accent will do. Similarly, when they are alone, all German soldiers prefer to speak English to each other.
9. Once applied, lipstick will never rub off. Even while scuba diving.
10. The Eiffel Tower can be seen from any window of any building in Paris.
11. Any police officer about to retire from the force will more often than not die on their last day (especially if their family have planned a party). (Caveat: Detectives can only solve a case after they have been suspended from duty).
12. Getaway cars never start first go. But all cop cars do. (They will also slide to a dramatic stop in the midst of a crime scene).
13. If staying in a haunted house, women should investigate any strange noises wearing their most revealing underwear.
14. On a police stake-out, the action will only ever take place when food is being consumed and scalding hot coffees are perched precariously on the dashboard…
15. All grocery shopping involves the purchase of French loaves which will be placed in open brown paper bags (Caveat: when said bags break, only fruit will spill out).
16. Cars never need fuel (unless they’re involved in a pursuit).
17. If you are heavily outnumbered in a fight involving martial arts, your opponents will wait patiently to attack you one by one by dancing around you in a threatening manner until you have defeated their predecessor.
18. If a microphone is turned on it will immediately feedback.
19. Guns are like disposable razors. If you run out of bullets, just throw the gun away. you will always find another one.
20. All single women have a cat.

Dear Wisdom Teeth, I Hate YOU

Hey everyone,
Been a while since I posted on my blog. I guess I was really taken back by my last post, it really hit the spot. So for this post I am going to write about my great day having my wisdom teeth taken out... Yay! It was like being run over by a bull then dumbed into a boiling pot of Mr. Noodles. Yes, you heard me right. The best part was my smart ass dad was nice to bring me back to school because of a stupid Essay Test. Yes, he did not know the side effects the damn medication had. According to every student in the school and all the teachers, I was making sounds that sounded like a dieing whale in the girls bathroom. Not only that, I was asking random students to put the hand in my mouth and massage my gum. After 20 min of sitting on the floor crying and wining my BFF decided to take me to the nurse, but apparently I was not willing to go down the staircases because I was "afraid" of the bunny hiding at the bottom. Yes. I said that. So, her solution to everything is drag people by their feet, and that is what happened to me. I was dragged down the stairs by my feet with two teachers on guard and a bunch of laughing students. yay. Next, the principal told me I tackled my friend and told her to eat the Bunny because it was chocolate and I started to sing nursery rhymes. WTF?? After I was dragged down the stairs, I was told I ran into the bathroom and locked myself in a stall and threatened everybody I was going to flush myself down. Now, ladies and gentlemen are you ready for the grand finale....? For my ending scene I opened the sink fosset and put my arms under water. That is when I was picked up by mom and drove home. Yes, I know. I am a retard, but u can blame me, it was the meds!!


Peace, 
       P.S. Please pray that my social life is still in one piece :)